Feelings Not Felt
by Cigarettes-and-Knives
Summary: Esther Hill somehow possesses new abilities after waking up on the day of her eighteenth birthday, and sick of the life she's currently living, she joins the Cirque! However, she may be in over her head, especially when vampires and strange new people get involved. Slightly AU.
1. Prologue

**I don't own anyone! I love my ofc and my beloved Larten though! **

**Feelings Not Felt**

**Prologue**

Do you know how you can always tell what a cat's thinking? If they pur, they're happy and satisfied, if they hiss, they are obviously angry. Well, do you think that if you were part cat, you'd be able to lie and hide things like normal people would? If you answered 'yes', then you're an idiot. Hello, your tail goes berserk if you're irritated, you pur when someone you like is nearby, believe me, it's not easy being part cat. If you would like to be part cat, I would rethink your thoughts if I were you. And even in a place full of freaks, I never really fit in.... stupid cat DNA. My life changed as soon as I turned eighteen, and I warn you, you do not want what I possess.... if you do, you really _are_ an idiot.

**Larten's POV**

Do you believe in vampires, monkey girls, snake boys, wolf men and freaks that defy reality? You do? Good, then keep reading, if, you have no interest in what I am saying to you right now, then I suggest you go somewhere else. I tend to be quite a boring person, at least that's what I think, I am also very dark, mean and shrewd. So why does everyone think I'm some big bundle of hugs? I'm not. Seriously, if you think that, I _highly_ suggest you go somewhere else. Anyway, you believe in all that stuff, well good for you, it shows you have an open mind, but it may surprise you to know that I don't believe in everything. If you wish to find out what those unbelieved things are, then read on. Read on if you wish but I'm telling you, you may not like what you see.

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Please read and review, I KNOW the prologue pretty much sucks, but the chapter is going to be tons better.


	2. Something Not Known

**ATTENTION! I want you all to know that I've only seen the movie, although I've become a huge fan from that, and of what I know of the books, I want to start reading CDF, but right now I'm reading Percy Jackson so it'll have to wait, please be kind and I hope you enjoy it! Gotta love Larten!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.... really, I don't.**

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 1: Something Not Known

_Intro: So, yeah, little did I know that at the age of sweet eighteen, I was going to grow cat ears and a tail. Not to mention a keen sense of everything, a new fetish for milk and a strong feeling of hatred towards mice. I had always been called a freak, but now, I had a reason to be called one._

_Larten's Intro: Little did I know that I would run into someone who had pretty much the best potential to be one of the best in show business at the Cirque._

"Hey Gabby!" yelled Esther. "Yah, Est?" Gabby, a girl with long brown hair and blue eyes came walking down the produce aisle. "Have you counted stock?" asked Esther, a girl with shoulder-length black hair, who was standing behind the check out counter in the local corner store. "Yeah, looks like everythin's fine and good." Gabby smiled. "Good, now only fifteen more minutes of this dang shift." Esther moaned. "Hang in there, Est, it only gets better from here on in."

"Friggin' optimist." Esther growled, her eyes flashing a devastating yellow. "Er, Est, what's up with your eyes?" asked Gabby curiously. "Huh? Oh, uh, must be the light, er, hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom." stuttered Esther slinking out from behind the counter and walking briskly towards a door that said "Employee's only."

Esther sighed when she leaned her back up against the closed bathroom door. She looked in the mirror and frowned. "There's no way I can hide it forever." she sighed to herself. She walked over to the sink and pulled off her hat. She shook her hair furiously and scratched her ears. Her cat ears.

They stuck up out of the corners of her head, her human ears used to be where they would normally go until her ears started to attach themselves to her head and they seemed to be moving upwards. Esther remembered when her cat ears had officially come up, she woke up that morning with the shock of her life, but you would too if you saw that your normal ears had been replaced with black fluffy cat ones.

Esther wiggled her ears and couldn't help but laugh, it had been a year since these things, not to mention her black silky tail, popped up, but she still couldn't get used to it. She massaged her ears which always got sore after keeping them down under a hat all day. Esther then noticed that her tail was twitching. She sighed. Her tail was tired of being cooped up too and to tell the truth, sitting on top of it in a college class all day didn't make it any better. "Esther, get your butt back out here, you're not going to get paid for texting away on your cell!" Esther cringed and covered her ears. Gabby's voice could easily damage a normal person's hearing but Esther seriously couldn't stand it. Esther made a face and slapped her favorite hat back on.

"Really? 'Cause all you do is text." said Esther, emerging from the bathroom. "Very funny, and no I do not!" Esther rolled her eyes. "Please, you text me when I'm only three feet away from you, if you'd ask a normal human being, they'd classify that as 'sad'." Of course, she wasn't normal but you could ask her and she'd tell you the same.

An alarm went off and Esther looked at her watch. "Oh, my shift's over." she said with a smile. The two girls sat in silence for a moment. "Uh, Est?"

"Yeah?"

"Your shift's over, you can leave now." said Gabby like she was talking to a five-year-old. "I know." Esther said nervously. "Well, why aren't you leaving? I'll see you tomorrow you know."

"I don't want to go, you should know that one, I hate the dark and two, I'm scared of the creeps that could possibly jump me!"

"Geez, Est, you act like you're going to get robbed and raped if you leave!"

"Well you never know! Please walk home with me!" Esther whined. "My shift's not over for another twenty minutes, just walk without fear and you'll be fine." Esther nodded and walked out of the store.

She looked both ways, the sidewalk was barely lit with dim lights and the night seemed as ominous and black as ever. Esther took in a deep breath, shuttered breath and began to walk down the sidewalk as courageously as possible.

Meanwhile, Larten Crepsley was striding down the sidewalk, looking for a sufficient meal. He sniffed the air and smelled nearby blood. His eyes shot open and he made a confused face. He smelt blood, it just didn't seem human. The smell seemed quite unfamiliar and different to him and it made his nose twitch slightly in irritation. He caught a glimpse of something darting into an alley-way. He picked up his pace and followed his nose.

Before she knew it, Esther had been snatched and dragged into an alley. She kicked and screamed but her attacker covered her mouth. "Quiet." the unknown man hissed as he pressed a knife up against Esther's smooth skin. Her eyes widened and she attemted to scream louder as she felt the cold, unforgiving object touch her skin. The attacker pinned her up against a wall and she made her nails grow into her cat claws. She had to get away.

Before anyone could do anything, a blur came out of nowhere and pinned Esther's attacker against the wall. Esther gasped and watched a tall, skinny man with orange hair atop his head and red clothes on his body throw her attacker down the alley like he was only a pebble. "Get out of here." the mysterious orange-haired man snarled to the creep who ran away as fast as he came.

Larten turned around slowly to face the stunned girl. He froze. He was transfixed in her sparkling, curious yellow-green eyes. He tilted his head slightly, her pupils reminded him of Evra. He blinked and continued to stare at her. Human. She seemed human, yet her eyes and smell told him differently. "Are you alright?" he finally asked. Esther gave a shy nod and stared at him. "Good, now what are you?" he asked, taking a step towards her. "Wha- what do you mean?" stuttered Esther, taking a nervous step back. "What are you? Vampaneze?" Larten spat the word 'vampaneze' and stepped forward again. "I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not Vampa-- vamp? Is that something related to a vampire?" asked Esther, giving Larten a calculating look. Larten raised an eyebrow. She seemed very intelligent, not to mention quick to think, no one he'd ever met had deducted that 'vamp' was in the word 'vampaneze' and managed to figure that much out. "Yes, you could say that." he said in his deep voice. "So, are you... a vampire, or am I just way off or what?" Esther asked curiously. "I am Larten Crepsley... and yes, I am a vampire." Esther blinked and her mouth slowly crept into a smile. "Cool." she breathed. "And don't you start asking all of your silly questions, 'do you sparkle?', 'can you turn into a bat?', no we can't do any of those things so don't try." Larten snapped. Esther cocked her head to one size and she could feel her eyes resizing... stupid cat DNA. "Why would I ask you that? I'm not stupid, psh, I know vamps don't do any of that stuff." Esther rolled her eyes to keep him from seeing them completely. Larten blinked. A human who didn't ask if he could sparkle. He blinked again. Someon who actually knew a little something about vampires.

Larten sniffed the air again. "You aren't human, though I don't know what you are." said Larten carefully. Esther glared. "I reveal my identity to no one." She growled. "Come on, I just said I was a vampire! Don't you want to tell me your life story, beg me to join us in the immortal life, ask to become one as well?" he asked, shocked. "No, not really, I already have enough on my hands, but I'll keep you posted." Esther smiled sweetly and Larten felt a weird feeling flow through him. He shook it off and stared at her for a moment. "So... you don't want to be a vampire?" he asked slowly. "No."

"You don't want to ask me one-hundred questions?"

"Nope."

"That's news to me." Esther laughed and Larten felt all weird again. "Wait, uh, one question though, are there more of you?" Larten nodded. "I have an assistant who I've turned into a vampire, and if you meant freaks, yes, there are plenty more of us."

"Really? Where?"

"At our camp, we're part of Cirque Du Freak, a show." Larten explained. Esther's eyes became as wide as saucers and they shone an obvious bright yellow in the dark. "I-is this Cirque... for anyone?"

"Anyone who is different or has a talent."

"Can I join?!" Esther nearly squealed as she hopped up and down on the balls of her feet in her spot. "Well, do you have anything special about you?" Esther took off her hat and shook her tail out of her jeans. She smiled brightly and turned her nails into claws and her canine teeth grew as sharp as Larten's. "I want to join the Cirque." she said happily. A lump formed in Larten's throat at the sight of a cat girl standing in front of him. "Come with me."

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**I know, major cliffhanger! I just love those though! please review! love you all! **

**Larten: come with me.**

**Esther: no! I don't want to buy anthing you're selling! **

**Darren: aw come on, who wouldn't want some of this?**

**Larten and Esther: ............. **


	3. Joy Now Experienced

**Remember guys, I've only seen the movie, but I hope you like it anyway!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize as someone else's! That's just how it works!**

**I love Larten!**

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 2: Joy Now Experienced

Intro: So, the Cirque, eh? You want to know about it? Psh, what could I tell you? I'm still learning about it!

Larten's Intro: I brought her to the Cirque... big mistake.

Larten reached his hand out for her to take. "Oh, are we running or something?" Larten thought for a second. "In a sense, we are going to flit, in which case, you should be on my back." Esther giggled. "Flit? Isn't that just another word for moving swiftly? Well, if that's what we're doing, I can manage on my own." Larten raised an eyebrow. "Can you now?" Esther nodded with a smirk and rolled her shoulders. She crouched down and her fingertips tapped eagerly on the ground, making a slight ticking sound. "Tell me where to go, I'll go there." she said like an anxious jogger about to run a race. "Follow me if you can keep up." said Larten before he flitted out of the alley. Esther pounced and darted after him on all fours, she ran as fast as a cat and dodged everything that crossed her path. She could smell Larten only a ways away from her.

Larten looked over his shoulder, the girl seemed as if she was flitting herself, fascinated, he stopped short. Esther noticed him stopping and she halted and dug her claws into the ground, causing her to fall forward onto her face. She sat up and wiped dirt off her face. "What was that for?!" she hissed, glaring daggers at Larten. "I was just wondering how you could run so fast, even when your legs are longer than your arms." Larten wondered. "When I do something, like running or jumping really high for instance, I must let the cat side of me take over. I cannot do these things without having my cat side control me. I close my eyes, concentrate, and I fall into darkness, this is when I become as cat as I can be. But, here's the catch, my human side, my conscience, my ability to think and maintain my human personality is pretty much gone, I can't control my cat side, it's like I am two parts of a whole."

"And when did you sort all this out?" Larten asked with amusement in his voice. "About six months ago, after actually figuring myself out, well, my new cat self anyway." Larten nodded in understanding and flitted off again.

"Hey! Now that's not fair! You didn't even-- Ugh!" Esther rolled her eyes and darted after him. They ran over a stone bridge, through a patch of woods and across a field and Esther had never felt so free before. She smiled and glanced ahead at Larten who was glancing at her over his shoulder, he didn't smirk or anything, he just seemed to watch her. Esther blushed under his gaze and turned her sight to the scenery. They came to approach a sea of red tents. A look of enchantment passed on Esther's face as she followed Larten into the camp. She didn't even notice that they entered. She followed him around camp randomly until she lost sight of him. She looked to her side to be knocked to the ground by an unseen object in front of her. She fell with a grunt and she looked up.

"Hey." said a voice. Esther shook her head and her pupil's returned to their human state. Her ears twitched curiously and her tail wagged back and forth flowingly. "Hi, sorry I ran into you, I lost sight of Mr. Crepsley." she said, getting up slowly. She examined the person she ran into. He had dark hair and he was a bit skinny. "I'm Darren." said the boy. "Hey, Esther Hill." said Esther. "So uh, what are you doing here at the Cirque? With Mr. Crepsley on top of that?" the boy inquired. "Hm, let's see, I have cat ears and a tail, what am I doing here exactly?" Esther said sarcastically but with a soft smile. "Heh, heh, yeah, I see. Are you planning on being an act?" Darren asked. "I don't know, I'm still sort of sorting all of this out, I mean, to leave my home for a circus? Sounds a bit cliche' if you ask me." Esther laughed weakly. "I mean, I'll miss my family, but I definitely won't miss school and all that other crap." Darren laughed. "Yeah, I know what ya mean. Come to think of it, I don't remember the last time I was in school." Darren offered his hand out to Esther, she took it and he helped her up.

"I wonder where Mr. Crepsley went." said Esther. "Right here." said Mr. Crepsley, tapping Esther on the shoulder. She whipped around and smiled at him. "I was wondering where you went!"

"Could not keep up?"

"No, it's just that uh... Darren happened to run into me, that, and your skills couldn't match my skills, see, you just didn't get that my skills told me to slow down a bit."

"Your... skills?" Esther nodded. "I know you could not keep up." Larten said in a matter-o-factly voice. "What makes you say that?"

"Your tail says it all my dear." Esther turned and looked at her tail, it was hanging low and swaying slightly, not up and waving curiously like normal. "Dang it." she muttered.

"Now, I see you've met my assistant, Darren." said Larten, changing the subject. "Assistant eh? Underling." Esther smirked. "Go somewhere." replied Darren playfully. "Darren, go take her to see Evra and I will talk to Mr. Tall on the matter of... keeping a cat." smirked Larten. A growl emitted from Esther's throat and the other two laughed. "I suppose I shall see him on the matter of having Esther around the Cirque." he corrected. Esther smiled and her ears went back to standing straight up rather than flat on her head. And with that, Mr. Crepsley flitted off.

"Well, gotta take you to Evra then." said Darren. Suddenly, Mr. Crepsley came flitting back. "Oh, and Darren, do feed the Wolfman." he said before flitting back off again. Darren groaned and began walking towards his and Evra's tent with Esther on his heels.

The two walked around camp and Esther was amazed to say the least. There were freaks as far as the eye could see. She never felt so happy. Finally, she was with people that used to never fit in at school either, people that had a rough time like her. She stared in awe and her eyes became as big as plates again. "I've never seen anything like it, finally, I'm in a place where people just... accept each other!" said Esther. "Yeah, we're like family here, don't worry, about two days here and you'll know everyone and they'll know you, it's like... magic or something." said Darren. "If you're accepted into the Cirque, we'll have a big bonfire for you tonight." Esther blushed. "Oh, no! You don't have to do all _that_! I'm fine, I mean... I'm no one special, you really don't have to do that."

"Of course you're special, you have friggin' cat ears and a tail and yes, we want to do it." Darren smiled. "Thanks Darren." Darren nodded and continued to walk on.

After a few minutes of random sight-seeing, they finally came to Darren and Evra's tent. "Evra!" said Darren, opening the tent flap. "Yeeees?" came Evra's voice. "Come in." invited Darren. Esther's ears went down a bit and her tail became less lively-looking. Thoughts raced through her head. 'Who is Evra?', 'Would I be sharing a tent with a yeti-man?', 'What is he? Is he scary?' The thoughts kept coming and Esther hesitantly walked into the tent. 'What if Evra is... a really good-looking snake boy.' thought Esther when she saw Evra. Her jaw dropped a bit and her tail went limp. Her ears perked up and she stared at him eagerly.

Evra brushed his long hair over his shoulder and his snake eyes glistened in the light. "Wow, you are like, so cool!" Esther perked up and she ran over to Evra. She got on all fours and circled around him, examining him. His skin was smooth and scaly and he watched her stare at him curiously. "You are so cool!" she exclaimed, standing up and facing him. "Yeah, I know." said Evra with a smile. "Yes, oh so cool, so cool in fact, the other day he got his foot stuck in--"

"Hey, hey, hey! We do not need to bring that up!" said Evra with a playful warning glance. Esther giggled. "So, a cat girl huh?" said Evra. "Yep, the only one you'll see!" Evra smiled. "So what can you do?" Esther responded almost instantly. "Anything a cat can do." she said happily. Evra simply walked over to a drawer, pulled out a ball of yarn and threw it towards the other side of the tent. Esther's eyes widened and her pupils became slits again. She pounced after the yarn and tackled it. She batted at it with her clawed hand and began to roll around on the ground with it. She soon became tangled in the black thread and she was about to bat at it again when Mr. Crepsley walked into the tent. The boys burst out laughing and Esther froze. Her eyes went back to normal and she was as still as a statue. Mr. Crepsley simply stepped back outside the tent to conceal his laughter.

Esther clambered out of the mess of yarn and her face turned an apple red. "Y'know what! You guys are jerks!" she yelled. Mr. Crepsley walked back into the tent, he coughed into his fist but Esther saw the smirk that played across his face. "Did you have something you wished to say?" asked Esther sarcastically. "Why yes, as a matter of fact. Mr. Tall agrees, you may join the Cirque if you wish." said Larten plainly. Esther's face lit up and she jumped up and down in her spot. "Yes!" she yelled, pumping her fists into the air. The boys laughed and Larten looked at her strange. "Do you really wish to leave your family though?" Larten inquired. Esther froze and she hesitated. "Well, um, yeah, it doesn't bother me, I say bring on the Cirque!" she said, her face changing dramatically back into a smile. Larten looked at her a bit unsure, he couldn't tell what exactly she was thinking, she seemed to try and keep her cat parts from showing her emotions. He could tell. He mentally shook it off and proceeded to leave the tent, but not before Esther glomped him, attaching herself to his back. He grunted as the other three laughed. "I just wanted to say thanks, for everything." whispered Esther into his ear. She climbed off his back and began to dance around the tent with the boys. Larten looked over his shoulder and smirked. "We'll be having a bonfire for you at one, that's an hour from now so try not to be late, everyone wants to meet you it should seem." he said before leaving. Esther smiled at him and went back to laughing and chatting with the boys.

Everyone was anxious to meet her? She had never had anyone looking forward to seeing her before since she was always a freak so it was nice to see so many friendly faces for once. For once, she was finally happy.

Larten looked up at the stars. The sensation he had when she had hugged him hadn't left and his vampire cheeks were still a bit tainted with pink. What on Earth was wrong with him?

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**Hope you liked it! Secrets are soon to be revealed! The bonfire scene's coming up too! Also, thank you, everyone for the reviews, keep 'em comin'!**


	4. Subjects Not Covered

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but Esther! Yay! I love Larten!**

**So yeah, remember, so far, I've only seen the flick but I will soon work on the books! lol! **

**So yeah, I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews and I hope you all keep it up! Thanks a bunches! I really like this chapter and I don't own the song I used for it. It's called 'You'll be in my heart' by Phil Collins, it's one of my favorites and I cry almost every time cuz I think of Larten every time I hear it! Anyway, enjoy this awesome chapter! Also, I won't have intro's for all my chapters!**

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 3: Subjects Not Covered

"Come on, it's time to go to the bonfire!" said Darren to Esther, who was hanging back hesitantly in the tent. Her cat tail hung low and her ears weren't as perky as usual. "Are you nervous?" asked Evra. Esther nodded sadly. "I mean, what if they don't like me! I don't want to be a misfit." Esther said, hanging her head a bit as her tail was dragging against the ground. Darren rolled his eyes."You'll fit in just fine, you don't have to worry about people judging you here." Esther seemed to think about this. "I guess." she said, drawing out the word. "It'll be fine, I really don't see what you're so worried about, believe me, if Mr. Crepsley had the heart to take you to the Cirque, odds are, everyone else would just adore you." Evra laughed. "Yeah, if you get Crepsley's approval, you're definitely in with everone else." Esther traced a circle on the ground with her foot. "I suppose I could go." Darren chuckled. "It's not like you have a choice anyway! Come on, it'll be fun, just trust me!" Darren said nicely, holding out his hand for her to take. Esther took a deep breath and took his hand. Darren, Esther and Evra left the tent and walked towards the center of the camp where a huge fire was blazing.

Mid-way there, Esther dug her heels into the ground and held Darren back. "What?" Esther just shook her head. Darren rolled his eyes. "What are you so worry about? I don't remember anyone being nearly as nervous as you when they joined." Esther sighed. "I know they won't like me." Darren's jaw dropped. "How could they not?! Look, we're all freaks here, you're actually one of the more normal people." Esther growled against her will, her cat side was kicking in. "I'm not going." she hissed. Darren jumped back a bit as her tail began to wag back and forth impatiently. Suddenly, a hand rested on Darren's shoulder. "Do you mind if I speak with her?" asked a familiar voice. "O-of course, Mr. Crepsley." said Darren, leaving the two.

Esther had calmed a bit but eyed Larten warily. "Why not go? Did you not just say you wished to join?" Larten questioned in a quiet tone. "Well, no one I meet likes me, I don't want them to... y'know. I mean, that would be one more place where I would be treated as a wierdo." said Esther hesitantly. Larten made an 'are you for real?' face. "If you had not noticed, Ms. Hill, we are surrounded by freaks, I highly doubt you'll have to worry about 'fitting in'." Larten said dryly. "Well, I know that, but even before I had ears and a tail, people always treated me like a virus that was to be avoided, I never fit in anywhere. I don't know if it's a personality issue or looks or what, but there's just something about me that acts like a person repelent." Esther's ears drooped and her tail sagged and she stared at the ground. Larten looked at her with pity in his eyes, yet understanding as well. He reached out with his hand and caressed the side of her pale face. "I understand, but you have nothing to worry about here. The people here are probably the nicest people you will meet. Just be yourself." he said, gazing into her large green-yellow eyes that sparkled with interest. "I suppose. Thank you, Mr. Crepsley." Esther smiled softly and her ears twitched with satisfaction. Larten chuckled at her ears and Esther made a face. "These things can be a pain at times. Do you know how many times I sit on my tail in a day?" she said humorously before heading towards the bonfire. Larten looked after her leaving figure that glowed in the shine of the crackling, ever-growing fire.

A few moments later, Esther had found Darren and Evra through the crowd of freaks and had bounced up and down happily like nothing had ever happened. "Hi, guys! Lovely bonfire!" she stated cheerily. Darren's jaw dropped. "Not two seconds ago you were complaining!" he said disbelievingly. "Mr. Crepsley just so happens to be very encouraging!" Esther said in a matter-o-factly voice. "Ooh, Evra, did you hear that? Mr. Crepsley is '_encouraging_' her." Darren said with a sly grin, elbowing his snake friend in the ribs.

"Darren, feed the wolfman and clean my coffin." Darren swallowed hard and turned on his heels to face Larten. "But I just fed the wolfman not fifteen minutes ago!" Larten leaned down to Darren's eye level. "Well do it again." the vampire hissed. Darren took off and Evra laughed. "Go help him." Larten said to Evra who's face changed dramatically and he took off after his companion. "I am sorry about them." Larten said to Esther with a slight bow at the waist. "No worries, they can be crude if they wish, I just hope they're happy when I shed on their beds." Larten raised an eyebrow. "You shed?" Esther laughed. "Only my ears and tail, but it can still be a nuisance." Larten nodded and the side of his mouth quirked.

Esther glanced around and saw several different, interesting freaks. Her eyes widened and became yellow again and her tail flowed in the air, showing interest. After a few moments, Mr. Tall stepped up onto a platform and got everyone's attention. "Ladies and Gentlemen alike! I would like to introduce a new member of the Cirque!" he thundered. Everyone quieted and Esther stood frozen in her spot. "What are you waiting for? Get up there!" whispered Larten, giving her a gentle nudge towards the stage. She stumbled forward and all eyes turned towards her. Her ears flattened to her head and her tail pressed close to her body. She timidly climbed onto the stage and stood next to Mr. Tall. She glanced up at him and she felt so small. She turned her attention to the crowd of people and she felt even smaller. "I find it a pleasure to welcome Esther Hill to Cirque Du Freak!" Mr. Tall boomed. The crowd cheered and applauded. Esther shrunk back a bit but Mr. Tall nudged her forward. "Um... hi." she said when the crowd silenced. "Er... I'm Esther and I have cat ears and a tail." The crowd laughed a bit and Esther smiled. "Er, I can do anything a cat can do, although, now I think I'm banning all yarn from the camp." she said. The crowd laughed again and Mr. Crepsley laughed into his sleeve. "You certainly did have fun with that string!" came a voice from the back of the crowd. Esther turned her head and saw Evra smirking. "Shut up, Evra!" Esther yelled, getting a few more laughs from the Cirque. "Er, I have had the talent of having awesome cat skills for a year now and I hope I can be a valuable member of the Cirque!"

"And she cannot start a sentence without saying 'er'!" spoke a voice from the crowd, which got them a lot of laughs from the group. Esther scanned the audience and saw Mr. Crepsley standing there with a smirk on his face. She gave him a playful smirk.

"So, how did you get your... 'extra features'?" asked Mr. Tall so everyone could hear. Everyone paused and all eyes were on Esther again. She froze. She really didn't want to answer that question. She didn't know the answer really, to tell you the truth. Esther shrunk back and her ears flattened again. The Cirque members looked at her with confused looks on their faces. Esther became uneasy with all of these eyes watching her every move.

Suddenly, a beautiful noise came to Esther's furry ears and a peaceful melody began to play. Everyone turned their heads and Esther focused her eyes on the source of the wonderful noise. She found Mr. Crepsley playing his flute. He began to walk to the stage and he stepped up onto it with one easy step due to his long legs. He closed his eyes and he played a tune that seemed oddly familiar to Esther. It wasn't the exact tune, but it was close enough to pass off as one of her favorite songs. Should she sing? She wanted to, but the crowd... she made a decision and took a deep breath.

"Come stop your crying

it will be alright

Just take my hand, hold it tight

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

For one so small,

you seem so strong

My arms will hold you,

keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

Can't be broken

I will be here

don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be in my heart, always

Why can't they understand

the way we feel

They just don't trust

what they can't explain

I know we're different but,

deep inside us

We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them

'Cause what do they know

we need each other,

to have, to hold

they'll see in time

I know

When destiny calls you

You must be strong

I may not be with you

But you've got to hold on

They'll see in time

I know

We'll show them together

Cause you'll be in my heart... always."

Esther sang, she wasn't the best or anything, but she sang well enough to hold the audience in a trance. "So it's decided!" said Mr. Tall. "You shall perform with Mr. Crepsley and Madam Octa at our next performance. "What?!" shouted Larten and Esther in unison. Mr. Tall nodded. "Yes, you two will prove to be wonderful. Now, let's have Ms. Hill to get to know everyone." Mr. Tall said as he grabbed Esther by the wrist and leading her towards the audience. She followed but stared over her shoulder towards Mr. Crepsley who stood there with a shocked, sad look on his face.

The next thing Esther knew, she was being approached by anyone and everyone. "Gertha Teeth, feel free to stop by my tent anytime, hon!" said Gertha, shaking Esther's hand. Esther smiled. "What can you do?" asked Esther, tilting her head slightly. "I can bite through anything if you want the short and easy answer!" Esther smiled, Gertha seemed really nice. She then came across... well, rather, bumped into, a large man. "Rhamus Twobellies, at your service." said the man. Esther looked at him curiously. "Wow." was all she could manage. Twobellies chuckled and she moved right along to the next person. "Alexander Ribs, miss." said Ribs, bowing slightly. "You seem normal, what's your deal?" asked Esther nicely. Alexander unbuttoned his shirt and Esther jumped back about five feet. "Holy crap!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide and curious as ever. "Y-y-y-you don't have any- any... wow." Esther said, her jaw dropping in mid-sentence. Alexander laughed and buttoned his shirt back up. "See you around!" he said before walking off.

Esther ran into several other people and everyone was very nice and accepting, she couldn't help but feel welcome, they treated her as if she'd spent her whole life there and she just got back from a six-month-long trip. Esther spent another hour with Evra and Darren, taking a look around camp and meeting everyone.

After a while, Darren and Evra walked Esther to her tent. When they arrived, she just stood there staring at it. "What?" Evra finally asked. "Nothing, it's just, these people must be ninjas or something because I didn't even notice them set up tent for me." said Esther. Darren chuckled. "Yeah, the initial plan was for you to stay with us, but the tent would be a bit small and you are a girl." Esther smiled. "Thank you guys, you've been real sweet." she said. "No problem, if you need anything, you should know where our tent is." said Darren. "And if you don't, we could always leave a trail of yarn out so you know where to go." laughed Evra. Esther glared at Evra and opened her tent flap. "Well, goodnight you guys. Thanks again." Darren nodded. "Mr. Crepsley will take you to your house tomorrow night in case you need to get some stuff or whatever." said Darren with a careless wave of his hand. "Wait, why not tomorrow?" asked Esther. "He's a vampire, remember? He doesn't do sunlight and if you wake him up early, he's a real grumpy a--"

"Darren. Go feed the little people." came a voice from behind Darren. "I'm not even going to say anything." said Darren. "Come on, Ev, we'll see you tomorrow, Esther." Esther nodded and turned her attention to Mr. Crepsley.

"I'm sorry about earlier, if you don't want me to go on with you in your act, I don't have to, I didn't know that... I mean, I don't know why Mr. Tall put me in your act when I didn't really do anything but sing... not quite well either. Also, I don't want to intrude on your act, I mean, it's yours and I really don't want to ruin it and--"

"Stop rambling, and you need not worry about the act, it is fine by me and if Mr. Tall thinks that we would make a good act together then I trust his opinion." Esther shook her head. "No, that's unacceptable. It's your act, has been your act and will be your act, and to tell you the truth, I don't know if I'm up for performing, at least, not so soon anyway. I'll talk with Mr. Tall, I don't want to seem like a nuisance." Mr. Crepsley opened his mouth to detest but Esther raised a hand. "Don't. It's your act, and I look forward to seeing what you do well at, I don't want to hold your talent back. Just don't worry about it, alright?" Larten gave a serious nod. Esther kicked at the ground and looked down nervously. "Also, I wanted to thank you for saving me when I was up on stage, I was getting a bit of stage fright, but I want to know how you could tell I was getting frightened." Esther said. "Your ears say it all my dear." Larten said with a quirk at the corner of his lips. Esther smiled. Larten cleared his throat and began to back away. "Good night." he said before walking briskly away, not taking his mind off of his destination, even though he found it hard to not have his thoughts stray to her.

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**Please tell me what you think! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chapter, Esther will deal with life at the Cirque, and the gang is getting set up for the next show! Also, Larten teaches Esther a thing or two about vampires! **


	5. The Confusion I'm Feeling

**Hi, everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review and please note I don't own anyone from CDF! thanks my wonderful reviewers and alerters! I bow to thee!**

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 4: The Confusion I Am Feeling

Larten massaged his temples with his fingers. He sat upon his coffin, leaning forward and his eyes closed. He let the sound of her singing voice wander in his head. He sighed and hung his head. "What the hell." he mumbled to himself. He hadn't felt like this since over a hundred years ago, but that subject was not to be mentioned and everyone knew that very well. How come every time he looked at this cat girl, his heart would skip a beat against his will. His breath would be caught in his throat and his palms would get hot. He had only known her for a night. He was acting like a star-struck shool girl.

Maybe that was it, twas just a crush, nothing more. Just a little spring of affection just because she's pretty. Quite likely, quite likely indeed. In fact, that was the only explanation Larten could think of. Yes, that was it, he just had a small bit of affection and it would go away in a week or so. That's how it always went.

Having figured it out, Larten sighed a sigh of relief and slid off his coffin. He turned around, opened it and jumped inside. There, now he could get a good day's sleep.

Esther stretched and got into her favored sleeping position. The quilt on her large queen bed was exquisite and warm. She couldn't really get to sleep, so many thoughts were racing through her head, about the Cirque, about how she'd be living her life from now on, all of her new friends. Although, these happy thoughts seemed to be lulling her to sleep.

Later, at around twelve in the afternoon, Esther was awakened to a sharp pain. She shot upwards and clawed at the offender. She then heard someone hiss in pain. Her eyes adjusted and she saw Darren bare scratches on his face from her claws. She then heard laughter. "Hahahah! I was right! I told you! You owe me money!" yelled Evra in between laughs. "What is going on here?" shouted Esther. "I made a bet, I said that if your tail was pulled, it would hurt, but Darren said no, and now Darren owes me a ten!" Evra laughed. Eshter growled. "You choose to yank my tail at... twelve pm and wonder if It'll hurt or not for ten bucks?" Evra nodded. Esther growled and she noticed Darren clutching his wound. "Hah hah! Dude, you look like Crepsley now!" said Evra. Darren groaned at the thought of that and Esther felt a bit sympathetic. "Stupid, here, hold on." Esther sniffed the air and got out of her bed. Darren stared at her because she was in nothing but a white wife-beater and gray shorts. She walked over to a cabinet on the other side of the tent and opened the cabinet door. "Medicine cabinet!" she exclaimed, grabbing some Neosporin and some band-aids. "How'd you do that?" asked Evra. "I happen to have a good sense of smell in case you know nothing about cats." she remarked, walking back over to Darren. "Darren, buddy, her eyes are up there." joked Evra. "Evra, shut your face, I think we've had enough of your comments for one day." glared Esther. Darren was blushing slightly but Esther smiled at how easily embarrased he could get. "Here." she said, gently rubbing the medicine on his cheek. Darren watched her, he could've easily licked his wounds but he didn't want to interfere since she was already placing the band-aids.

"All better!" Esther stated cheerily. "Thanks." Darren mumbled. "Any time." she said, putting everything back where it was supposed to be.

"So, today we're gonna see what ya got for the Cirque." said Evra. "What do you mean?" asked Esther over her shoulder. "Well, we think it would be cool if you could perform in our next show." said Evra. Esther looked dumbstruck. "And when do you all sort this out? Look, I don't do well with people, people don't do well with me, I don't think I'm show biz material." Esther said modestly. "Stop being so nervous, it's fun to perform! And I bet you could do lots of stuff! Just show us what you got." said Darren. Esther thought for a moment. "I guess... I'll give it a shot." Evra smiled. "And if you don't feel good about it, you could always either put it off for a while or not do it at all." Esther gave a shy smile. "Thanks. Now, uh, I gotta get dressed and all that good stuff so I'll catch you guys in a bit." Esther smiled. The boys nodded and left the tent.

Esther ran her hands through her hair and smiled to herself. This was her new home. She would no longer be called a freak. No, not anymore, people accepted her and liked her, which was all she ever really wanted. She wouldn't miss her family, they didn't care much for her either. They were upset that she didn't turn out like everyone else. Someone who wore Aeropostale way too much, someone who only cared about gossip, make-up and what boy they talked to on the phone last night. She wasn't like that and her parents were dissapointed that she didn't turn out like some little angel. They didn't admit it, but they couldn't hide the obvious from Esther. She only had one friend who was a year older than her and she only got to see her every other shift at her part-time job at the corner super market so she wouldn't entirely be missed by her either, even though she would mourn for a while.

Esther pulled herself out of her thoughts and went to her dresser to get dressed. She dressed herself in a mild red spaghetti string tank top with dark shorts. She bent over to slip her flip-flops on, she came to eye-level with a sight that made her jump five feet in the air and scream. "What the heck?" she squealed, staring down the large, colorful spider that was perched on her dresser. "Holy cow, you're huge!" Esther mused. The spider stared her down with it's many eyes and Esther felt a shiver crawl up her spine. The spider was unnerving her and she was beginning to feel her cat side kick in. Her pupils turned into slits and she pounced after the spider, which quickly jumped out of the way, and began to crawl on the fabric wall of the tent. Esther sprang up from under the dresser that had fallen on her and she launched herself at the arachnid again. The spider darted across the tent on it's eight furry legs and Esther found herself even more determined to catch it.

Just then, Darren walked in and Esther stopped short, her head snapped in his direction and her wide eyes got wider, trying to give off an 'I'm innocent' look. Darren started to laugh and he clutched his ribs. Esther stood up and her pupils went back to normal. "It's not funny! I friggin' hate spiders! And my cat side took over!" she detested. "Yeah, I'll try to pretend I know what that means! Anyway." Darren turned his head to look over his shoulder. "I found Octa!" he shouted. "Oh thank God! Crepsley was going to have our heads if she went missing!" came the voice of Evra. "Would you two stop showing up in my tent randomly!" Esther pleaded, wading her way out of a pile of stuff that she wound up in due to practically tearing her tent apart trying to catch the spider.

"C'mere, Octa, get back in the cage, we have some nice, juicy flies here for you." cooed Darren quite idiotically to the spider, motioning his hand towards the cage. "So her name's Octa? Who does she belong to?" asked Esther. "Her name's Madam Octa, yeah, and she's Mr. Crepsley's." explained Darren, following the spider around the tent. "Ugh, it's no use, I gotta use the flute now." Darren sighed, pulling a flute out of his pocket. He played it and Octa seemed to move in different ways according to which note Darren would play. Esther was mesmerized. "That is brickin' awesome!" she exclaimed as Octa jumped into her cage. "Thanks, Crepsley can control her better than me, but at least I can get the job done." Darren smiled. "Hm, yeah, I know the feeling. I could never do anything perfect, I always had to settle for 'at least I get the job done'." Esther sighed. "Well, no one can do everything perfect, and even if it's just one thing, it's impossible to do it absolutely perfectly. Don't bring yourself down, alright?" Darren said with an encouraging smile. Esther nodded.

"So what are we doing next?" she asked. Evra answered. "Well, you pretty much have the grips on camp by now, what about going to see Mr. Tall? See if you're up for show biz." he said slyly. Esther nodded. "Sounds good."

The gang walked out of her tent and they went to go see Mr. Tall.

"Hello, Mr. Tall." said Evra and Darren. Esther nodded and gave Mr. Tall a smile. "Ah, Ms. Hill, so, what can I do for you?" asked Mr. Tall. "Well, I truly don't want to take up Mr. Crepsley's act, I mean, it's his and I'd rather do my own thing rather than steal someone else's spotlight." Esther explained. "Ah, how very deep of you, yes, I believe we could arrange an act for you, let us see what you can do." said Mr. Tall. Esther swallowed and shifted on her feet. "Alright." she mumbled. She stretched and blinked. "So... uh, what should I do?" she asked, rubbing the back of her neck. Darren let out an exasperated sigh. "Whatever you can do." he smiled. Esther nodded and thought for a moment.

She closed her eyes and she let herself be enveloped in darkness, her cat side took over. Her eyes snapped open and her pupils were slits. She looked around and spotted a fairly tall tree. She ejected her claws and darted towards the tree. She dug her claws into it and pounced her way up the tree. Bouncing off branch after branch, doing an athletic, flexible move here and there. She came to the tippy top of the tree and perched herself on the strongest branch. The wind blew through her shoulder-lenght black hair and she cracked her neck.

Mr. Tall nodded in approval and Evra and Darren stared in awe.

She suddenly leaped from her branch and the two younger boys gasped and flinched. She did a flip or two and her body was coming closer and closer and like a cat, she landed squarely on her feet like she'd been standing in that exact spot for some time now. She ran back over to the tree and dragged her claws down the bark. It made ten, deep gashes that made the tree look like it was just attacked by Crepsley. Darren was sure that that tree would die in a few days, the cuts went about half-way through the log. Evra's jaw dropped and stepped back a couple of inches. Esther rolled her shoulders and dropped down onto all fours. She spotted a butterfly that was fluttering nearby and darted towards it, the insect was trapped in her claws in a matter of seconds. Her ears twitched, which Darren thought would be pretty funny if she wasn't busy mauling a butterfly with her claws at the moment.

Esther proceeded to do a bunch of acrobat-like moves, ducks, dives, leaps, etc. She could run really fast, jump really high, she was right when she said she could do anything a cat could do.

Evra laughed and cat-called and Esther snapped her head to look at him with wide, curious cat eyes. She froze and her tail swayed. She crouched down in a position familiar pose. Darren's eyes widened in realization. "Evra... run."

"What?" Esther, as if on signal, darted towards Evra. He hit the ground running but Esther caught up with him in a flash. She had him pinned on the ground and she dug her claws into his scaled skin. He groaned and Darren rushed over. "Esther! Esther! Esther, stop! That's Evra!" he shouted. Esther seemed to snap out of it and her pupils went back to normal.

"Huh? What'd I do?" she asked, a guilty tone in her voice. "Um, you're digging your claws in my back!" shouted Evra. Esther jumped off of Evra and frowned. "Oh my God! I am so sorry! I really don't have much control over what I do when I'm in my cat state! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, Evra!" Evra got up with a grunt. "Oh, it's okay, don't worry about it."

"No, it's not okay, please don't take this so lightly! What if I seriously hurt someone?" Evra laughed dryly. "Yeah, that wouldn't be hard for you, look at what you did to that tree over there." he said, pointing to the slashed tree. Esther gasped. "Oh my gosh! That could've been you, Evra! That's it, I won't risk hurting anyone! I won't participate in the Cirque!" she protested. Mr. Tall intervened. "Do not worry about this, it can be fixed with hard work and determination, just practice controlling your cat side. You will be a fine performer." he assured with a small smile. Esther blushed. "I... I will try hard, sir." Mr. Tall nodded. "You will be performing before Mr. Crepsley, we will discuss what you will do for your act later." Mr. Tall bowed and walked back to his tent.

"Well, Esther, I'll see you later, Crepsley's got chores for me." said Darren, patting her on the shoulder and heading off to wherever. Evra smiled. "Look, don't worry about earlier, okay? It' fine."

"You sure?" Evra nodded and rubbed her back briefly. "I gotta go, Mr. Crepsley should be up in a bit, why don't you stalk him or something." he said humorously before heading towards his tent.

Later, the sun was down beyond the horizon and Esther was sitting on a low tree branch, her feet dangling off the side. She heard a crunch underneath her and her ears twitched. She jumped down to face Mr. Crepsley. "Good evening, Mr. Crepsley, how are you?" she asked in her sweet, cheery voice. Mr. Crepsley thanked the darkness of the night for concealing the slight pinkness on his cheeks. "Fine, how are you?" he asked. "I'm okay, I guess, I tried to eat Evra today, and I killed a tree, what would you put that in your book as?" she inquired, her tail swaying gently as always. Mr. Crepsley didn't know what to make of that. "You... tried to... eat Evra?" he repeated. Esther nodded solemnly. "Didn't mean to, Mr. Tall says I should learn to control my cat side better." Mr. Crepsley nodded in understanding. He began to walk and she walked beside him. "I understand the feeling. Sometimes it can be difficult to control the vampire in me. But I must remember that I am in control, not the blood-sucking predator. I am not a Vampaneze, I tell myself, I then come back to reality." he explained. Esther nodded but was contemplating something. "Mr. Crepsley, I heard you mention... Vamp-- Vampaneze before. What exactly is that?" she asked him. A grave look came across Larten's face. "That is a story for another day." he said, not looking at her. Esther didn't like that response but didn't want to push it.

"Mr. Tall says I'm going to perform before you." she said, changing the subject. "What will you be doing?" he asked. "I have a good idea, but I'm not so sure yet. What do you do?" she asked with bright eyes that shone in the dark. He couldn't really see her but she could see him perfectly with her cat sight.

"I perform with Madam Octa, you shall see." he stated with a wink but not a smile. Esther smiled brightly and Larten looked to his other side, he was acting like a foolish high-school girl in his opinion and it was getting annoying. This gave him an idea though.

"What will you be leaving behind back home?" Larten asked her. Esther's ears flattened slightly and her tail lost it's bounce. "Um.. not much, I can tell you that. My parents? Please, they wouldn't care for one thing, I wasn't perfect, therefore, of no use for them. I think they were expecting me to become something that would get payed lots of money so they could swipe all of it up." She paused. "I didn't have friends, only one and I've known her for a month, nothing too big, nothing too big at all. So frankly, I don't have anything to leave, although, I do want to go pick up a few things." Larten nodded. "Of course. And so we won't have anyone coming after you, you'll have to die." he said, like he was talking about the weather. Esther made a face.

"What?"

"We'll fake your death." he stated. "Oh, sounds... fun?" she tried. Larten laughed a bit. "Indeed, lots of fun." he joked. He blushed at the thought of smiling in front of her, he barely smiled in front of anybody, much less pretty cat girls that he seemed to fancy. "We will give you a serum, you will go numb, I brake your neck, find a convincing place to put you and in less than a day, you will be in a coffin six feet under. Then, I shall come dig you up and you will officially begin your life in the Cirque." he explained like he'd rehearsed it or something. Esther blinked. "Yep, that sounds fun." she said, rolling her eyes. "And what the heck will I be doing six feet under for eight hours?" she huffed. "I do not know, occupy yourself?" Esther rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'll count the hairs on my head."

"There you go." Esther couldn't help but smirk. "Wise-fangs." she snorted. He chuckled. Her voice was seductive-sounding no matter what she said, the way she acted, walked, everything seemed so attractive to him and he felt like kicking himself in the cape right there! He blushed at the awkward silence. "Nice night." he finally said. In his head he was criticized himself. 'Stupid idiot! 'Nice night'? What the hell is wrong with you?' he thought. Esther nodded though. "It is." she said blankly.

She stopped suddenly. "Do you smell that?" she asked, sniffing the air. Larten took an unnoticable whiff as well. "No, what?" he asked. Esther furrowed her brow. "Nothing, just thought I smelt something... wierd... whatever." she shrugged it off and the two continued to walk around the Cirque for the majority of the night. But they didn't noticed that they were being watched.

"What do you think, Curo?" hissed a monotone voice. "I think... that I can practically see the lust dripping from that vampire." another voice said humorously. "Yes... I have noticed that that vampire has fallen for the princess... quite funny, really. No matter, she will realize her place soon enough, and she will leave these freaks. She will lead the Millenia army to victory, and our race will rule supreme."

"I'm hungry."

"Shut up. We have business to take care of, we must tell his highness of her whereabouts."

"Yes, by the end of the tenth month, she will live her destiny."

"She will make a good match for the king."

"As long as no one interferes, the world is ours for the taking."

"This should be easy, after all, all we have to worry about are a few of those stray, rotten Vampaneze."

"Indeed."

And the sources of the voices vanished.

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**Who are these mysterious people?.... you'll have to wait to find out, please review and I take reasonable requests! Love you all! Thanks for reading!**


	6. It Gets Worse Before it Gets Better

**ALERT! I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE YOU GUYS! PLEASE FORGIVE! IVE BEEN BUSY! THIS CHAPTER SUCKS IN MY OPINION BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IT GETS BETTER NEXT CHAPTER! ^^**

Disclaimer: I own Esther and the wonderful characters of Cirque Du Freak belong to Darren Shan, the awesomest guy ever!

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 6: It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Esther stretched and yawned, she plucked at the covers with her claws like a cat. She jumped out of her hammock. Today was the day that they would be going to her hometown to pick up a few things. She went to her mini dresser and pulled out a red tube top and some black jeans. She slipped on her red flip-flops and went outside. She breathed in the fresh noon air and smiled. She licked her teeth and went to go eat lunch. Well, for her it was breakfast but it was technically lunch.

Esther sat down at the picnic table near the grill. She sniffed the honey ham and the potatoes and smiled.

"How are we today, Miss Hill?" asked Rhamus. Esther smiled.

"Just fine, Mr. Twobellies! And you?"

"Just call me Rhamus, and I'm doing fine!" Rhamus gave her two slices of ham and a loaded baked potatoe and she licked her lips.

"What would I do without you, Rhamus?" she asked before stuffing a whole slice of ham into her mouth. Rhamus laughed and hung up his apron.

"Everyone else has already eaten. Darren is cleaning Mr. Crepsley's coffin as far as I know." Esther wolfed down her food and wiped her mouth.

"Thank you!" she said before running off to Mr. Crepsley's tent.

Esther peeked into Mr. Crepsley's tent to find Darren talking to the coffin. She tilted her head to the side.

"Not so bad now are ya, vampire? What if I opened this coffin right now, out in the sun, you wouldn't like that so much would ya, Dracula?"

"Darren." Darren whipped around and swallowed.

"Er, hey, Esther!"

"Why are you talking to Mr. Crepsley's coffin?"

"Eh, well, he gets on my nerves sometimes."

"Ha! How?"

"I dunno, he just does."

"Yeah, that really explains it." Darren laughed and Esther leaned on Larten's coffin.

"Are you nervous about going back?" asked Darren.

"No, I'm nervous about you punks seeing my room." Esther laughed.

"Hey, we're not that bad!"

"Suuuure you aren't. And I don't have cat ears." Esther chuckled sarcastically.

"Whoa, where'd those come from!" Darren joked, pointing to Esther's ears. Esther stuck out her lower lip and pointed to a spot behind Darren.

"Whoa, what's that?" she asked with wide eyes. Darren looked over his shoulder and Esther slapped the back of his head. Darren glared at her and smacked her with the dust rag.

"So what's the plan for today?" asked Esther.

"Well, we just hang out until Mr. Grumpy wakes up then we'll go to town."

"Sounds beast."

"Beast?"

"Yeah, you know, cool, awesome?"

"Well, I haven't been around actual humans for a while so I guess I need to catch up on some slang."

"Haha! How long have you been a vamp?"

"Well, technically I'm a half-vampire, this guy right here is the real deal." Darren explained, jabbing his thumb towards the coffin.

"Wow! So he's like, the _definition_ of beast!"

"Really? He gets on my last nerve sometimes."

"Really? He hasn't given my any problems at all, he's really nice to me."

"Wish he was like that with me, even from day one, this guy's cut me zero slack."

"Haha! I really don't think you deserve any!"

"Gee, thanks!" Esther turned around to leave the tent, Darren right on her heels. Darren tripped up and fell on top of her.

"Agh! Darren! Skills much?"

"Sorry!" Darren grunted and lifted himself up. She flipped over onto her back and they stared at each other for a moment. Darren blushed and got up quickly.

"Sorry." he mumbled. He offered a hand to Esther and she took it. He lifted her up and she brushed herself off. Esther stared at Darren for a while and he finally cracked.

"What?"

"You're the only person I know that can trip over nothing."

"Hey!" Darren punched her in the arm and she punched back. Hard.

"Ow!"

"You're a half-vampire and you're saying 'ow'? I'm a girl, you should be taking me down."

"I don't want to hurt you though."

"You think you'll hurt _me_?"

"...Do I have to answer?"

"Darren Shan! Do you think you can take me on?" Esther asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Sort of." Darren said shyly.

"Then it's on." Esther growled, going into cat mode. Esther got on all fours and ran towards him, he thought she was going for his feet so he blocked low but Esther jumped at the last minute, digging her claws into his head and landing behind him. Darren licked his hands and wiped them on his cuts. Darren ran towards her and she ducked between his feet. Esther's ears twitched as she heard a seal break, Larten was coming out of his coffin.

"What in Charna's name are you doing in my tent, Miss Hill?" Larten asked tiredly.

"Sorry, I was coming to get Darren." Esther mumbled, coming out of cat-mode. Larten gave her a look and she left the tent.

"We must get to packing for tonight."

"Ah, yes, but first, I must eat breakfast."

"Dinner." Larten glared at him and Darren laughed. "Just saying." he said, dusting some other stuff in Larten's tent. Larten grunted and left the tent. He walked to the spot where Rhamus was cooking earlier. Rhamus wouldn't be cooking for another hour or so. Larten frowned at the thought of cooking his own food. Oh well, that was what Darren was for. Just as he was about to fetch Darren, Esther came up to him.

"Good evening, Mr. Crepsley! I am sorry for intruding your tent earlier, I was just getting Darren."

"It is not a problem. I warn you next time though, I would not want you to run into me without a shirt." Esther's eyes widened as she thought about Larten without a shirt on. She began to purr without knowing and Larten looked at her oddly. Esther realized she was purring and her eyes widened more.

"Oh, um, sorry, thinking about going to town to er, buy some more shirts." Esther said for a cover-up. Larten nodded slightly and an awkward silence passed between them.

"So, uh, you wanted dinner? I could make some."

"No, that is fine, I can eat once we get into town."

"Wouldn't trust her with that job anyway, Mr. Crepsley, she doesn't cook, she _kills_! Rhamus tried letting her cook the other morning, she screwed up a _grilled cheese_!" said Evra, walking up to them.

"Shut up, Evra! Your idea of a good meal is fried rat!"

"What! I'm part snake! And I'm sure you'd find that quite delicious as well!" he said sarcastically, sticking out his tongue. Esther's jaw dropped.

"Whoa! You have a forked tongue too!"

"Yep, is yours like sandpaper?" asked Evra. Esther nodded and stuck out her tongue. Evra laughed.

"Whoa! That is cool!"

"I know! That is so weird!" Evra and Esther high-fived each other and ranted about each other's tongues while Larten glared at Evra.

Later, it was six in the evening and Esther, Larten and Darren were ready to go.

"Alright! So! I'll lead the way on our perilous journey!"

"Perilous... journey? Esther, we're going to town... and back!" Darren laughed.

"Yeah, but who knows, knowing our luck, we could end up at a waterfall or something!"

" ... You really are something else." Darren mumbled.

"Aww! Thank you!" Esther hugged Darren and he blushed, he was thankful that it was dark out, but then again, Esther could see in the dark. Larten cleared his throat, he had an irritated look on his face.

"We are going to Esther's house and back and I do not want to deal with a bunch of nonsense throughout the entire trip. Is that clear?" he sneered. Esther's ears flattened a bit and her tail went a bit limp.

"Sorry." she mumbled before walking ahead. Darren shot a glare at his teacher.

"What's with your grumpy arse?" he whispered.

"I just do not want to listen to your senseless rambling." Larten snapped. Darren rolled his eyes. Larten had been grumpy before, but more than usual, he had a reason to be. Darren couldn't think of why he was grumpy now. He was cut off from his thoughts when Esther came back to them.

"Um, I know you're not in the best of moods right now... but, there's a problem in your little plan." she said to Larten.

"What is it?" Larten asked.

"Well, if we fake my death, people are going to see my ears and tail, I mean think about it, I wouldn't be buried, I'd be taken to some sort of lab to be tested. People wouldn't just shrug it off."

"She's right." Darren said. Larten looked up in thought.

"You are right. It would not be the wisest thing to do. So what do you suggest we do then?"

"Well, I hate to admit it but my parents could care less. I wasn't their little angel so they would think it normal for me to go on a cross-country journey with a circus. I can just grab my stuff and leave and they wouldn't care. I won't be wanted so we can just come and go as fast as possible. Is that okay?" Esther asked. Larten nodded.

"That is fine." Esther gave a miniscule smile and went back to walking ahead of the boys. Darren frowned.

"I can't imagine not being wanted by my own familiy. Sure, my family was really strict but at least they cared for me." he whispered. Larten's face softened.

"It must be hard for her." Darren continued. Larten only nodded.

"It gets worse before it gets better." Larten said simply. Darren said nothing and stared after Esther longingly, he hoped to get to know her a bit more during this little trip.

* * *

NEXT CHAPTER ON FEELINGS NOT FELT! Esther's 'rescue luggage' plan doesn't go like it was supposed to! The idea of getting in and out of the house without being noticed doesn't pull over so well and how does an unexpected twist effect Esther? Vampires and cats don't do so well in sticky situations such as these! In the next chapter of Feelings Not Felt!

(lol, sorry, felt like being dramatic! ^^)


	7. Secrets Can't Be Kept

Hello, guys! This chapter is long and has plenty of twists and turns but I hope that keeps you entertained! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own CDF.

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 7: Secrets Can't Be Kept

The three misfits trudged along the forest trail. Esther getting quieter and quieter as they went along.

"Esther. You okay?" asked Darren, jogging to catch up with her.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't seem like it."

"Well I am." Darren frowned. He saw through her lie. He grabbed her arm and she jumped back, her cat eyes wide. She began to pant heavily and Darren wondered what he did wrong.

"Esther! What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" 'I could've sworn I didn't hurt her! I barely touched her!' Darren thought to himself. Esther shook her head.

"N-no. Sorry. I freaked out." Larten looked at her with an interested look in his eyes.

"You seem nervous." Larten stated.

"Heh, well yeah, who wouldn't be? My situation isn't the most normal one in the world y'know." Darren nodded in understanding. He was in a situation similar to hers once, only he wanted to see his parents. Larten frowned.

"Darren."

"Yes, Mr. Crepsley?"

"Go ahead and see if the town is far from here." Darren nodded and ran up ahead. Larten took this time to walk beside Esther.

"Something is troubling you." he stated calmly. "Do not try and argue. She says so." he said, pulling Madam Octa out of his coat.

"You brought her along!" Esther asked, trying not to look at her, she knew she'd go 'cat' if she did.

"Of course. I do not go many places without Madam Octa. She and I can communicate through telepathy, you know. She tells me that there is something more to this situation than meets the eye."

"Well then your spider is wrong. There's nothing wrong. I'm just not looking forward to going away like this."

"Please stop lying." said Larten, stepping in front of Esther and resting his hands gently on her shoulders. He leaned in close and her breath hitched in her throat. "I do not like seeing you like this." he whispered. Esther pulled away and sneered.

"Like what? Anyone would be depressed, okay! So you and Darren stop throwing your little hissy fits! Nothing's wrong! All right?" Esther thundered before marching off. Darren came back moments later, passing Esther on his way to Larten.

"What's up with her? What did you say?" Darren asked.

"She is troubled, by what I do not know but it is true." Darren stared after her and sighed.

"She'll come around if she wants to share, but if not, we shouldn't push her."

"You are right." Larten nodded.

The three continued on until it was about two in the morning. They could see a small glimmer of town lights ahead. They finally reached Esther's house and surprisingly, the lights were on inside.

"I'll sneak inside, go upstairs, grab my stuff and climb out the window. It'd be best if you two didn't come. The more who come, the bigger the chance of being caught." The boys nodded and waited in the shadows while Esther crept into a bottom floor window. She put her cap on and stuffed her tail in her jeans in case her parents did run into her. She slid in through the window without a sound, just like a cat. She was in the kitchen and she heard that the television was on in the next room. She'd have to be quick and quiet since the stairs were across from the kitchen, but since the living room was between the two, someone could easily look over and see Esther dart up the stairs.

"You can do this. Just don't get caught." Esther whispered to herself before clinging to the wall and peering around the corner. Her parents were watching tv. She leapt from her spot to the stairway, landing on the first stair on her hands. She got into a handstand and slowly eased herself down. She gulped and sat on the stairs, peering around the corner. Her parents hadn't seen. She wiped sweat from her forehead and leaped up the stairs, five at a time. She tip-toed to her bedroom door and silently jiggled the handle. Her parents had locked her room from the inside.

"Dammit!" Esther muttered. She stuck one of her fingernails into the key hole and played with it for a moment until it finally opened. She pushed open her door and grabbed a flashlight off of her desk. She shined it around the room and began to grab for things. Her laptop and it's case and charger. Her hair brush, her ipod and it's docking station/radio. She grabbed all of the essential and stuffed them in a duffel bag. She opened her window and couldn't spot the boys. She cupped her hands over her mouth and whistled. Darren showed up a moment later.

"You could've just called my name!" Darren laughed.

"Yeah well I wanted to be cool!" Esther shouted in a whisper before tossing her bag down. Darren caught it but slipped up and the contents scattered everywhere.

"Good Lord, Shan!"

"I'm getting it, don't worry!" Esther snarled and went back to packing. She grabbed some clothes (meaning most of her wardrobe) and stuffed them into her second duffel bag, along with accesories and her pillow. She had just tossed her laptop down and was about to climb out the window when she stubbed her toe on her bedpost.

"Ow!" she whispered, hopping up and down. She prayed that her parents hadn't heard it and let out a relieved sigh when she didn't hear footsteps coming up the stairs. She was about to jump out of the window when a cold voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Hold it." she heard, followed by a sickening 'click'. She turned around slowly to see her dad and mom standing in the doorway, a shotgun in her dad's hands.

"Close the window, Est." said her dad.

"Don't call me that." Esther growled before doing as she was told.

"What's she doing?" asked Darren.

"I do not know. She may be coming back the way she came in, so the open window would not cause interest later on." Darren nodded hopefully.

"You've been gone for two days."

"I've been gone for longer than that before." Esther growled. Her dad looked around the room, noticing that the closet was open and almost empty.

"Planning on leaving for good this time huh? You've tried that before."

"I have somewhere to go this time." Esther shot back.

"With one of your freaky friends?"

"I don't have many friends, you made sure of that. Ruining my reputation." Esther growled.

"I don't think that a few bruises would scare your friends off."

"You've left me with more than bruises. Try burns and scars."

"You deserved it."

"You deserve it more." Pow! Esther's dad and slapped her upside the face. Esther winced and wiped the blood from her lip.

Larten's eyes widened.

"Something is wrong. I hear something."

"I thought I heard something too."

"I will go in, you follow." Darren nodded and followed Mr. Crepsley to the window Esther used to get in the house.

"You are such a freak." Esther's father tisked. "We had your road all planned out for you and what do you do? Throw your life away, not even knowing what you want to do! I'm surprised that you got into college. We generously gave you oboe lessons, you want to play the piano!"

"The piano has promise."

"We set you up to be a doctor and you want to be a fashion designer!"

"I can sew."

"We set you up with a handsome, rich young man and you turn him down for some emo kid who lives down the block!"

"He was nice and that date you set up for me was a snob."

"We give in and generously let you go to an art school and you throw your education away so you could smoke in the lot with your dead-beat friends!"

"I don't smoke! Where the hell did ya hear that! Her?" Esther demanded, pointing at her mother.

"It doesn't matter! You're not going anywhere you freak!"

"What if I am a freak! What are you going to do about it! You would like it if I went to go live with a bunch of freaks anyway wouldn't you! That's what you expect out of me! Because I'm not your perfect little angel! Well I'm sorry I'm not freaking perfect but here's a fact! No one is!"

"Don't you raise your voice at me!"

"I'll raise my voice if I want to, bastard!" Esther shouted.

"Why you little!" Esther's father raised his gun and his her over the head with the end of it. Before she was hit, she screamed.

"Darren!"

Larten flitted up the stairs, Darren followed. Larten stormed into the bedroom and grabbed Esther's mother by the neck and threw her into the wall. He then grabbed her father's gun and snapped it in half as if it were a toothpick. Larten's eyes shined with rage as he pinned Esther's father against the wall.

"We are leaving now. If you look for us. I shall kill you. If you mention us. I shall kill you. If you even think about tonight, you can mark my blood that I will kill you. You are no longer in care of Esther and if you ask me, you never were. You are such an oaf. You are too stupid to realize that Esther is a brilliant girl. She never needed your worthless, sorry ass." Larten snarled. Larten didn't curse often so that's when Darren knew that Esther's parents had crossed the line.

Larten picked Esther up gently and jumped out of the window with her. Darren followed, glaring over his shoulder at Esther's folks. Larten landed on the ground gently, Darren sort of stumbled.

"Grab her things. We are going back to the Cirque." Darren nodded and carried Esther's bags. The two were silent for a while until Darren spoke up.

"So that's why she was so nervous." Larten nodded.

"She really did not want to come."

"Can't blame her. She said her parents were bad but I think she was covering a lot up. But we gotta give her credit. She was acting all along. She covered up the fact that she was abused by being so energetic and happy."

"I have run into abused people before. They act that way because normally, that is the only time they can."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she was raised under a strict, abusive roof. She probably did not have many opportunities to express herself, so when given the chance, she can really be herself."

"I get it. But why do you think her parents are like that?"

"Who knows. Humans can be quite ignorant." There was another silence between the two and Darren spoke again.

"You care about her. More than others you first meet. Why is that?"

"Who says I care about her? I do not care about her any more than I care about the next person."

"Well, you just seem different around her."

"You are certainly strange, Master Shan, there is nothing different about the way I treat Esther than anyone else."

"You call her by her first name."

"So? I especially do not see reason in calling her by her last name when her last name does not do her justice. She is not one of those horrid pigs we saw back at the house."

"True." and Darren ended it at that, even though there was something about Mr. Crepsley when he was around Esther, there was no use in arguing with his stubborn mentor about it.

"You know, you're right." came a voice from above them. Darren was surprised but it didn't seem to shock Mr. Crepsley. Suddenly, two boys jumped down from the trees.

"She doesn't deserve the name 'Hill'. She's too regal for that."

"In fact, she was never a 'Hill' to begin with." said the other boy.

The boys both wore caps and no shoes. The slightly taller one with dark hair dressed in ragged jeans and a sweat shirt. The shorter, light-haired boy wore a t-shirt and jeans.

"Who are you?" Darren demanded.

"I'm Curo, this is Gana!"

"I can introduce myself, idiot! You always pronounce my name wrong! It's Gay-na!"

"Haha! Gayna!"

"You're so immature!"

"But it's funny 'cause it has the word-" Gana had whapped Curo upside the head and directed his attention back to Larten and Darren.

"Anyway, we're the 'Fetchers'." Darren couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry man, but that's a stupid gang name!"

"We're not a gang! We're from the royal kingdom of-" Gana had clapped a hand over his counterpart's mouth.

"Do you want them to know that? Hm? Or maybe you'd like the king to have your head hanging on his wall!"

"Not really." Curo mumbled.

"Good, then shut up!" Gana smiled at Larten and Darren.

"Now, if you could just hand over Esther, we'd appreciate it."

"You boys are really stupid if you think you're going to walk away with Esther!"

"Or high." Larten added.

"Hey! That's not nice! But we'll let you slide and I'll ask you nicely one last time. Please hand over Esther."

"We're not letting you lay your filthy hands on her!" Darren growled. Gana smiled wickedly.

"You asked for it, bro." he snapped his fingers and Curo darted forward, as fast as Esther, even. He lunged towards Larten and he flitted out of the way.

"Do not think we cannot handle a couple of teenage punks like you." Larten snapped. "Stop being foolish, you cannot take us on."

"All right, Bats, if you think we're a couple of teenage punks, you're wrong." Curo lunged forward again and his fingernails turned into claws. He swiped at Larten and he dodged each attack. He had to set down Esther to fight back, but if he did, they could easily snatch her up and be away with her.

"Mr. Crepsley! Flit with Esther back to camp! I got them!"

"No! You have not even been drinking any blood lately!"

"I can still take 'em! Run!" Larten nodded and took off to flit, but as soon as he ran, Curo jumped and dug his claws into Larten's cape, holding him back.

"You're not going anywhere with the princess!"

"We don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Darren yelled, having his own fast fight with Gana. Curo steadily swiped his claws at Larten's face, missing him by an inch each time. Larten backed up until he was pinned against a tree. He turned around and began to climb it.

"Two can play at that game, old man!" yelled Curo, climbing up after him, faster and more accurate than Larten. You'd almost mistake him for a cat! This thought struck Darren hard and he began to aim at Gana's head, hoping to knock his cap off in the process of fighting. Gana swiped at Darren and ripped his shirt into shreds. Darren felt his skin rip open but ignored it and continued to fight back.

Larten was darting from tree to tree, Esther hung, still limp, over his shoulder.

"It would be nice of you to wake up some time, Esther." Larten mumbled. And just like magic, Esther stirred on his shoulder.

"Wh-what happened?"

"Long story, right now, could you help me?" Esther shook her head and noticed that Larten was panting heavily and some boy she didn't know was creeping towards them, he hadn't even broke a sweat.

"Okay, look dude, I dunno who you are but you don't mess with me and my friends." she snarled, jumping off of Larten's shoulder and grabbing Curo by the shoulders, tossing him out fo the tree. Curo grabbed onto a branch and hung on. Esther jumped down and stomped on his hands. He yowled and dropped further down. He licked his bleeding knuckles and began to climb up the tree.

"He is not Vampaneze. Nor is he human."

"Well, considering I dunno what a Vampaneze is, I will trust your judgement." chuckled Esther, rubbing her head.

"Why did you not tell us your parents abused you?"

"You know, as much as I would love to have this conversation, this isn't the time nor the place!" Esther exclaimed, ducking as Curo pounced on her. Curo jumped over her head and landed on the branch unsteadily. Esther grabbed for his head, hoping to pull his hair out and ripping his scalp with it but found herself grabbing something that wasn't hair underneath his cap. She ripped his cap off and found two brown cat ears placed atop his head.

"Y-you're like me!" Esther exclaimed.

"Yep and you belong with us too." Curo said, grabbing Esther by the waist and jumping down the tree with her.

"Look, I don't care what or who you are, I'm not coming with you!" Esther yelled, biting Curo's neck until it bled. Curo yelled and covered up the large opening in his neck. Esther made a face of disgust when she noticed that she had ripped the skin and flesh completely from his neck. She spat the chunk of flesh out of her mouth and lapping up the blood from her lips. It wasn't appealing to her but hey, whatever works. Larten smirked before flitting up and squeezing Curo's neck with his nails. Blood gushed out more and Esther knew that he was getting weak.

"Leave. And do not come back, before I kill your friend." Larten growled, glaring at Gana who had been pinned to the ground by Darren. Gana got up and sighed.

"Fine."

"This had better be the last that I see of you." Larten warned, pushing Curo rudely into Gana. Gana glared at Larten, he looked as if he was about to say something but he didn't. He left as quickly as he came with Curo. There was an odd silence that hung between the three until Esther finally asked: "What the hell was that crap about?"

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Hope you likey! I know, I know, cliffhanger! But I'm awesome like that! Whoo, this was a long chapter! Well, please review!


	8. Slamming Doors

I think you Larten/Esther fans will like this chapter! I worked hard on it! ..okay not really...but let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: you know the drill..

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 8: Slamming Doors

"I do not know." said Mr. Crepsley.

"They were probably just drunks."

"Yeah, drunks with cat ears! I don't think that's all that normal, Darren!"

"Well they did want you. Are you related?" asked Mr. Crepsley.

"No, never seen them before." Esther shrugged.

"Whatever. We'll tell Mr. Tall about them. We'll just watch out for them from here on in."

"Okay." Esther sighed. She stared at her companions who were covered in scratches and bruises. She didn't like it that her friends got hurt because of some weirdos that wanted her.

"You guys got hurt because of me." Esther whispered.

"It is not a problem. They are nothing but scratches. Far worse than what that little brat had to go through." Esther laughed nervously at the thought of her biting that boy's neck out. She was obviously in cat mode. She wouldn't have caused him such harm otherwise. Esther turned to start walking back to the Cirque when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Would now be a good time to tell me why you did not inform us of your abusive parents?"Esther felt a lump form in her throat.

"I didn't think I needed to." she mumbled.

"So you thought we could read your mind and figure it out for ourselves?"

"No, I just-"

"It would have been best to tell us. To get it off your chest and to warn us beforehand."

"I didn't want you to worry."

"There would have been no worry if you had told us. We worried more when you did not jump out of the window like you had claimed you would.

"Well sorry things didn't go as planned."

"Not as sorry as you would have been if your father had shot you."

"What are you on my case for! Okay! It's over, it's done, we're here! Just leave me alone! I don't want sympathy and I don't need comforting! I've lived with that crap for nineteen years! I don't feel the sudden urge to share my sob story and cry on someone's shoulder! So shut up!" Esther yelled before storming off. Larten felt as if a door had been slammed in his face. He was only trying to help. He heard Darren come up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"She's just upset. It'll be fine, don't worry." Larten nodded and sighed.

"I suppose we should go speak to Mr. Tall." Darren agreed and the two walked back to the Cirque.

Esther evaded Cirque members and walked to her tent as swiftly as possible. Unfortunately, she ran into Evra on the way.

"Hey, Esther! You're back!"

"Shut up." Esther grumbled, brushing past the snake-boy.

"Whoa, Est, what happened?" Evra persisted, chasing after him.

"Please leave me alone." Esther mumbled, walking a bit faster. Evra stopped walking and turned around to go talk to Darren.

"What happened with Esther?" Evra asked when he finally found Darren.

"Long story. I don't even think she wants me to tell you."

"Well tell me anyway!" Evra laughed. Darren rolled his eyes and followed Mr. Crepsley to Mr. Tall's tent. Once the two arrived, they told Mr. Tall about the two boys, and about Esther's family.

"We will keep eyes out for the boys. If they even enter the Cirque grounds, they will be punished. As for her family, it is no longer anyone's concern. She is with us now and she will not have to deal with them again. Plain and simple. True, she will need help coping but friends are the best medicine for a situation like this."

"Who do you think the boys are?" Darren asked.

"Honestly, I do not know, but if they apparantly have some sort of connection with Esther. But there is nothing to worry about. They will bother her no more."

"Thank you for your time, Hibernius." Mr. Crepsley said with a slight bow before heading towards the door.

"Could you stay for a moment, Larten? Darren, leave us." Darren nodded and headed out the door.

"What is it, Hibernius?" asked Larten, a bit unsure of what Mr. Tall wanted to talk about.

"I was just wondering what your relationship with Esther was." Mr. Tall said cooly, staring at Larten.

"What do you mean?" asked Larten, having a bad feeling as to where this was going.

"Well you just seemed more open to her than others."

"I really have not noticed any difference. She is just another Cirque member. I do not see what you are talking about." Mr. Tall shrugged.

"Perhaps I am wrong. Although I will offer this," Mr. Tall said, "Think things through."

"I always think things through. I do not see why you would suggest otherwise."

"I know, I'm just saying... do not get yourself wrapped up in Miss Hill. It will end badly."

Larten scoffed. "Hibernius, who says I am going to get 'wrapped up in her'? She is just another member of the Cirque. Now if you will excuse me, the sun is coming up." Larten said before departing. Mr. Tall laughed to himself when he left.

"Larten, lying does you no good."

Esther flopped down on her little bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I don't need anyone's help. I never did so why should I now?" she grumbled to herself.

"You know sometimes you should accept the help that is offered to you." came a voice from the tent entrance. Esther sat up to find Larten, all of his cuts had vanished.

"I don't need it." Larten shrugged.

"I thought the same at one point. But I learned the hard way that friends are always there to help." Esther scoffed.

"I wouldn't know. Never had friends."

"Well you have friends now. Here, at the Cirque. Everyone is family here. It is never too late to learn how to accept others and have them accept you. Believe me, I know it is never too late, if it was then I would have known by now, after all, I am over one-hundred years old."

"Hm. Well, whatever. You didn't tell anyone about...well.. y'know...right?"

"I have only told Mr. Tall, but he needed to know." Esther pouted and stood up.

"Well if you had to tell him, I guess that's okay but don't tell anyone else."

"Not a soul." Esther nodded. Larten stepped a bit closer to her, taking in her scent. She was sweaty and dirty from the fight in the woods. Hints of blood still leaked from irritated cuts on her bare skin. Larten noticed a horizontal scratch that stretched across her bottom lip and that it was still bleeding.

"Here, you have a cut." Larten muttered before leaning in a bit closer to her. Esther froze and stared at Larten wide-eyed as he grabbed her chin gently and leaning in a bit more. Her heart felt as if it was caught in her throat as Larten's lips stopped a centimeter before touching hers. He opened his mouth slightly and ran his tongue across her bottom lip, making them both shiver. The cut on her lip sealed itself and Larten lingered there a moment longer before drawing back.

"Wh-what?" Esther managed to whisper.

"My saliva has healing properties. That cut was not going to stop bleeding had I not healed it." Larten stated as simply as he could. He could feel his cheeks stiffen and his vampire blood rushed to them, making his face red hot. Esther licked her lips and felt the scar that now remained on her lip.

"Well... um... thanks." Esther mumbled, touching her mouth where his tongue just was.

"Sure...goodnight." muttered Larten before walking out of the tent. Esther flopped back on her bed and smiled to herself.

"Well that wasn't awkward." she laughed. Larten climbed into his coffin, satisfied yet nervous about how they'd react around each other later on. Hopefully he didn't screw up big time. Larten licked his lips once more. She tasted like lemons. Larten smiled to himself at the thought and went to sleep.

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The question is...did you like it...or did you LOVE it?


	9. Follow Me

Disclaimer: CDF not mine! I own my OCs though!

**Hi, guys, I have a deviantart account so if you want to see some awesome Larten/Esther artwork, I'm BasiliskBlood13 on Deviantart or you can look up 'Larten and Esther' in the DA search box! You'll get some results of my art, and some of fellow fanfiction members who decided to do fan art for Feelings Not Felt! I thank them deeply! I'm happy to have such awesome fans! XD**

R and R! Don't hate me for this chapter! XP

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Feelings Not Felt

Chapter 9: Follow Me

"Esther still sulking?"

"Yep."

"When's she gonna get over it?" asked Evra.

"I really don't know. It's been two days." said Darren. "It's unhealthy, she won't eat."

"Well she's been through a lot, dude."

"Well I had to become a vampire and leave my family, Evra, and I got over that."

"Well your parents didn't hate you."

"True, if anything, you can relate to her."

"Sort of. Christmas is four months away, maybe you could cheer her up then!"

"...I don't want her skulking for four months, Evra!"

"Just saying." Evra muttered. "So what's her deal anyway?"

"I guess she just didn't want me and Mr. Crepsley to find out about her parents. Maybe it makes her feel weak? I really don't know, it must be some pride thing. I'll try and help her more today. Maybe take her to the river nearby. It's really relaxing over there."

"Well good luck, man, I gotta go feed the little people."

"Kay, see you later." Darren sighed and stared at Esther's tent. He could hear her iPod due to his vampire hearing. He had never heard the song before but she was singing along with it softly.

"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. And when everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." she sang. Darren swallowed and walked into her tent. Too bad he walked in at the wrong time though. Esther was just slipping her shirt on.

"Agh! Jesus Christ, Shan!" Esther screamed, dropping to the ground and covering her bra-clad chest.

"I am soooo sorry!" Darren shouted, turning around.

"No, no, it's okay." Esther panted, putting her shirt on. Darren turned back around and the two sat in an awkward silence for a moment.

"So, um, what did you want?" asked Esther, turning off her iPod.

"I just wanted to talk." Darren said with concern.

"About what?" asked Esther with a bit of an attitude.

"Well, about what happened this weekend."

"There's nothing to talk about." Esther mumbled, looking in the mirror and combing her hair.

"Well you've only been out of your tent to shower, I just think that-"

"Actually, I was just about to go eat and maybe help you guys with some chores."

"Soo, you're okay?"

"Truth be told, Darren, I wasn't so hot the last couple days but I'm fine now. I got over it."

"Um, well okay. If you say so. Um, we could go help Evra!" Esther nodded and followed Darren out of the tent, not without tripping and falling on top of him though.

"Ow! Esther!" Darren laughed as he glanced at Esther over his shoulder. Esther rubbed her head.

"Sorry! Er, so much for 'cat-like grace!" she laughed. Darren chuckled and rolled over, Esther still on top of him. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment until Darren blushed and looked away. Esther muttered another sorry and got up.

"No, it's okay." Darren said, flushed. Esther scratched her cat ear and proceeded to leave the tent on Darren's tail.

The two met up with Evra and he gave Esther a huge hug. "Where have you been?" he shouted full of glee as he spun Esther around. Esther laughed.

"Taking a cat nap!" she giggled.

"I thought those were short!" Evra huffed.

"Whatever. Let's just get to it. What do we have to do?"

"Wolf-man." Evra grumbled, glancing at the cage on the edge of Cirque grounds.

"Feed and clean?"

"Yep."

"This should be fun." said Darren sarcastically. The three padded over to the wolfman's cage and they stared at him in disgust as he picked his teeth with a bone. The wolfman spotted Esther and some sort of instinct was set off. The wolfman crept forward and snarled at Esther menacingly. Esther's cat-side took over without warning and she crouched down, arching her back and hissing violently back at the beast. The wolfman howled and growled and Esther dug her claws in the ground. Her hair stood on end and her tail and ears stuck straight up. Her fangs glistened in the sunlight and the wolfman snapped his jaws in between the bars. Evra and Darren both tried to hold Esther back when she swiped her claws at the Wolfman's snout.

"Maybe this isn't the best chore for her!" Evra said, half-joking.

"Yeah." Darren grunted, looping his arm in Esther's, keeping her from lashing out at the wolfman again. Evra reached into his bucket of cleaning supplies (used to clean things around the Cirque) and pulled out a ball of yarn.

"I figured this might be needed." He smirked, waving it in front of Esther's face. Esther's eyes grew wide as she stared at the ball. Her tail wagged back and forth flowingly in amusement.

"Go get it, Esther!" Evra laughed as he threw it as far as he could, letting the tail of string fly behind it. Esther pounced after it and began to roll around, batting it back and forth in between her hands.

"You're evil!" Darren laughed, looking hopelessly at Esther who was having the time of her life with that ball of yarn.

"I know. Now let's hose this cage down before she turns her attention back to Mr. Grumpy here." Darren nodded and the two boys began to clean the cage, glancing over at Esther every few minutes to laugh at how tangled up she was. When the boys were done, the heard a cough behind them. They spun around to see Esther in a very awkward, difficult position. She had apparantly come out of her cat state.

"You guys are real jerks." she growled. Evra and Darren had to choke back laughter.

"Go untie her, Evra."

"No way! She'll murder me!"

"You're the one that gave her the yarn! You untie her!"

"How about you untie her and I'll say I owe you one?"

"Ugh! Fine you immature snake-face!" Darren stuck his tongue out at him and Evra laughed. Darren approached Esther and helped her cut open the yarn she was viciously stuck in. When Esther was released, she glared at Evra.

"You are dead! You hear me, snake boy! Where do you keep getting this yarn from anyway!" Evra ran off and dropped his bucket, Esther darted after him leaving Darren to laugh himself purple.

After several more chores, it was four in the afternoon and Evra had to do some more chores. The other two were free from their list of demands though.

"I guess I'll see you guys at dinner." Evra sighed, walking of to go patch up a tent. Esther stretched and yawned. Darren nudged her and she looked at him curiously.

"I have some place I want to take you before dinner. Follow me." he said simply before wandering off into the woods. Esther furrowed her eyebrows before shrugging and following him. The two walked in silence for a few moments until they finally came to a small river that ran through the woods. The trees loomed over the sparkling brook and the clear water flowed gracefully over smooth stones and boulders. The squirrels and birds made the scene even more serene and peaceful.

"Oh wow! This place is so pretty! How'd you come across it?" asked Esther, sitting down in the green grass. Darren sat down beside her.

"I was looking for food for the Little People and I came across this river. You like it?"

"I do! It's nice!"

"I figured you'd like to have a place to relax...well... you know, after what happened this weekend." Esther's smile faded and she turned her gaze to the ground.

"It's okay to be sad, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I'd just rather not be. It doesn't suit me. I like being happy."

"Well everyone does." The two sat in a silence for a moment. "If you don't mind me saying, I really find it hard to believe that something like that happened to you. You always seemed so innocent and untouched."

"Heh, so I guess my little mask worked then, huh?"

"Yeah. I guess. Do you mind if I ask you something?" Darren asked.

"What?"

"Well...what did your parents do... exactly?" Esther sighed and lay down on her back.

"Everything. My dad was the physical one. Hitting, scratching, hair-yanking, burning, etcetera. My mom was the one who put forth all the effort. She did everything she could to make sure I looked like the kind of person she saw myself as. She would drive my friends away, telling them untrue things about me. She wouldn't let me do any activities with others. She let me have the laptop and other luxeries though so she'd look like she was being a good mother to her friends and family member. They both covered their tracks to look like the good guys. I tried telling my grandma once but she didn't believe me. She then told my parents and they made sure that I wouldn't tell anyone again."

"Why didn't you try running away?"

"I did. But each time, I'd have to come home. Whether I couldn't find a place to stay or didn't want to impose on the few friends I had. Soon, my parents told me to wear the same mask that they did. Make it look like nothing was wrong and that I was a happy little child in a perfect little home."

"Why did they do that to you?"

"I wasn't perfect. They wanted a little angel, not a rebel or someone who got a C in math. Of course, I wasn't a rebel, they were just convinced that I was one though. "

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I'm just glad I can finally be rid of them." Esther sniffed and wiped her eyes. Soon, her tears fell from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.

"I just wished I could have had my cat powers sooner so I could've kicked their asses." She bit back a sob and Darren wrapped his arms around her. He stroked her hair and she cried into his chest.

"It's okay, Esther. You're here now. Safe and no one will hurt you. No one will ever judge you or harm you here at the Cirque Du Freak." Esther nodded meekly. She pulled back and wiped at her eyes. She giggled softly.

"I'm sorry I got your shirt wet!" she smirked.

"Haha! It's okay! I was going to do _this_ anyway!" Darren said, jumping into the river. Esther screamed when the water hit her. Darren came up from under the water and laughed.

"Get in, Esther!"

"I kind of want to but...my cat won't let me!" she laughed.

"Oh, yeah! Cats hate water!" Esther nodded. "In that case! I'll have to do this!" exclaimed Darren, splashing her. Esther squealed again and stuck her hands in the water, splashing him back. The two laughed and splashed each other for a while before Darren finally yanked Esther by the arm, pulling her into the river. She screamed and scrambled over to the shore. She flung herself onto the grass, panting. Her tail hung limply and her hears lay flat on her head. Her eyes were wide and she was shivering. Darren laughed.

"You look just like a cat!" he laughed harder. Esther glared at him and shook herself like a dog. The fur on her ears and tail puffed out and she looked more like a half-persian now.

"You look rediculous!" Darren clutched his chest as he doubled over.

"Not as rediculous as you!" Esther said.

"How do I look rediculous?" Darren asked.

"You don't have a shirt on, stupid!" Esther laughed. Darren looked down in confusion and noticed that his shirt, had indeed come off. It had snagged on a rock and was ripped completely off his body. Darren glared at her but after a moment of staring, the two were laughing again. They calmed down after a few moments and Esther set her focus on the sunset that could be barely seen through the trees.

"It's so pretty." She whispered with a grin. Darren nodded in agreement and they stared at the sunset for another moment before Esther took this moment to her advantage. While Darren was distracted, she tackled him and they both fell into the water, making a huge splash. The two grabbed onto a boulder on the other side of the river and they smiled at each other.

"Point for Esther!" Esther sang.

"You only got that one 'cause you cheated!" Darren laughed. They both hung onto the boulder as the current washed gently against them. Darren was caught in her eyes, staring into her green pools. Darren swallowed and they stared at each other in a peaceful silence. Darren leaned in a bit and Esther followed the suit, a bit more hesitantly since she was new to this kind of thing. Darren leaned in a bit more and their lips were barely touching. Darren closed the gap and caught her bottom, scarred lip in between his. Esther wrapped her arms around his neck and her tail swayed happily. The two kissed back and forth, playing with each other's lips for a few moments until a teasing hum came from behind them. The two looked up to find Evra standing there with a smirk on his lips.

"Esther and Darren, sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-OW!" Esther threw a rock at his leg and Darren laughed.

"Lay off, Evra!" he joked, getting out of the water, followed by Esther.

"Dude, where's your shirt? Did I interrupt something?" Evra teased.

"No! His shirt just got ripped off, idiot!" Esther giggled.

"By who?" Evra chuckled.

"Your mother! Now let's go eat dinner, I'm starved!"

"Yeah, that's why I was coming to get you guys...and the mother joke wasn't called for, Esther!" Esther shrugged and the three misfits trudged along back through the woods, making jokes and teasing each other like the friends they were. Halfway there, Darren snaked his arm around Esther's waist, which made her jump.

"Sorry, scaredy cat!" Esther punched him in the arm and placed her arm on his waist as well.

Larten just got out of his tent, he stretched and scratched his infamous scar. The scent of pork chops and buttered corn reached his nose. He smiled as he thought about the dinner he would have with his assistant and Esther, that is, if she had left her tent yet. Larten walked along towards the 'kitchen' tent until he heard laughing. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Evra, Darren and Esther come out of the woods. Evra was making a kissy face and Darren shoved his pal to the side playfully. Larten was happy to see that Esther was out and about, but his attitude quickly changed when he saw his assistant's arm wrapped around her waist. His heart panged with a bit of jealousy but his brain told him to calm down. It could be just a friendly gesture. Darren kissed Esther on the cheek. That was _not _a friendly gesture! Larten growled to himself and stormed off towards the kitchen tent before the three could notice him. He stopped suddenly. Why did he care if his assistant chose to be mates-er, have Esther as a 'girlfriend'?

'It should not matter to me!' he thought to himself. 'It is not like I am infatuated with her! Sure, she is attractive and talented and out-going and-' He shook his head. 'I need to stop think like that! Okay, I had a bit of...an 'attraction' towards her at first but that was it! I am over it! I have much more pressing things to think about anyway!' Larten dared to look over his shoulder and saw Esther and Darren sharing a kiss. He snapped his head in the other direction. He remembered a few nights ago when his mouth touched hers like that. He enjoyed it. He hated to admit it but he did. Larten shook his head again. 'It was not even a kiss! I was healing her wound!' He thought for a moment. 'I was, however, a bit too eager to do it though.' Larten scratched his scar furiously. 'I should not concern myself in such petty matters! I do not like Miss Esther in that manner and she is obviously fond of Darren so I need to stop thinking so foolishly!' he scolded himself and continued to walk to dinner. 'So why does it hurt so much?' he thought, looking one last time at his assistant and the cat girl.

* * *

Enjoy? tell me! ^^


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